For every reaction or response there is an
action, there is something that starts the reaction in motion, we often can put
it down to being tired, we can put it down to having a bad day but I would ask
the question what’s the state of your heart?
It started one day as I went for a bike
ride I couldn’t settle, I was agitated and frustrated, and I thought I was
bored... As I peddled on my bike I felt the frustration building I looked for a
space to stop and I landed on a cold concrete step and as I sat there pondering
in my frustration I realized that I wasn’t bored I just didn’t like the
reactions that I had been having as of late. I wasn’t enjoying the person that
I was becoming and I knew there was only one solution, and that terrified me.
You know to do a stock take of your heart
it takes courage, boldness and a little bit of brutal honesty. As I sat on the
step I realized that my heart was sick, not just a little sick really sick. How
had I ended up here? In an instant I realized that I had neglected to guard my
heart and I had also neglected to allow the Holy Spirit to point out anything
that was of offense to him. I had taken captive my heart and I was living in
wallow valley, my focus had shifted and suddenly it was all about me. As I sat on the cold concrete step I tried
to see God, often in my life I have moments where I close my eyes, breathe and
I see, there I am dancing dressed in white before my creators feet, this brings
me peace in an instant but today all I saw was empty nothingness….. I was so
frustrated what was wrong with me where was God? Slowly but surely as I sat and
frustration left God in his beautiful grace began to reveal, he began to reveal
my symptoms he began to gently reveal that which had made its way into my heart
and was causing the effects of the illness and why I was unable to see. He
began to show me the latest tenants of my heart... I was bitter, I was sad, I
was prideful, I was feeling abused and unappreciated, I was also feeling lost
and I was running on empty.
( Side note we are not meant to do life in our
own strength, we aren’t meant to neglect our devotional life for sleep, TV, fun
or even personal hygiene now please do all of the above but can we keep the
main thing the main thing and that is relationship with Jesus Christ. I know that life gets busy and I know that our
hands, arms and lives are FULL but God our father gives us all we need and if
we do not go to him you will end up sick and tired literally! )
Empty is never a good place to start or
live and I sat there I God spoke he breathed and he began to rearranged. As my pen hit the paper I began to write
down the illnesses that my heart was suffering, like any illness there is an
antibiotic, there is something that you can combat the sickness with. So as I wrote God instructed me with the
due course of antibiotics that my heart needed specific instruction so that in
time my heart would be well again.
The problem with any sickness is it takes
time to recover and if you do not take your medication properly the lingering
germ will hang around dormant until we
are yet again weak and vulnerable and at the right time it will wake again
leaving us bed ridden or even useless.
So I had a choice I could decide to take
the prescribed course of antibiotics, yes it may be painful, they may even not
taste that great but the desired result would be wholeness and wellness or I
could ignore it for another 6 months and it would come back with a vengeance..
I happened to choose the first option... And as I continued to write GOD revealed
that ugliness that had invaded my heart, the attitudes that were out of line
and the thought processes that I had allowed to reign in my thought life. You
see so often we can blame other people for the state of our heart HOWEVER the bible
says 
“guard YOUR heart with all diligence
for out of it flows the well springs of life” Prov 4:23
My responsibility
was to make sure my heart was ok nobody else was going to do that. Regardless
of situation my heart was my responsibility. So I swallowed the antibiotics, I admitted
my short comings, I repented for holding onto things that I just needed to let
go and I allowed God to once again reign supreme in my heart, it is rightfully his
anyway. I booted out the tenants that had occupied his space and I breathed,
and as I breathed there I was dancing before my creator in my white dress
however this time no longer was I just dancing at his feet but his HUGE (huge
being the operative word) hands had engulfed me and in this little zone I
danced, free, happy and filled with peace..
“If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will
find me.” Jer 29:13
You see the problem isn’t the reaction
often the problem is that which lies underneath, often undetected until a
moment, a moment where something you never knew existed shows its ugly face and
suddenly you are stunned at the person that you have become in this situation,
all this can be avoided as we allow our gracious creator to review our hearts
and point out anything that offends him regularly, in doing this you can dance
through life free, getting stronger, building muscle all while engulfed in the
hands of your creator..
“Investigate my life, O God, find out
everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m
about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— then guide me
on the road to eternal life.” Psalms 139:23-24 (msg)
